i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
