So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
