She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
