I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
