During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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