who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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