True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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