My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
