Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
