I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
