so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
