I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
