If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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