I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
