So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
40s are totally the cure
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
