Apparently you make a good broom.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
