you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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