babies were throwing up all over the place
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
