So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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