i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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