I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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