My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
