No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
