You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
