All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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