i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
