I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him