I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.