is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.