Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.