Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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