I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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