I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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