You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
