38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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