No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
