If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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