Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
