wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
