well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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