dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
