She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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