i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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