Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
