Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
