your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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