I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
