This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
