Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
