if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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