My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
