You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
