i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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