Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just found a bag of teeth...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
