um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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