Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
