I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
