we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
