you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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