the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
