ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
