How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
