im drinking this country out of the recession.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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