My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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