I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
