awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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