You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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