"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
